Of course it is all only a delusion of power and control in the first place. Regardless of what rules, laws, or regulations that are enforced or not enforced, the ultimate truth remains the same: You can't control what other people think, and if you can't control what they think, then you can't control what they do. They might let you think you are controlling them (when inmates do this, it is called "manipulative criminal behavior" - but, of course, the only reason we (prisoners) do it, is to avoid getting punished arbitrarily - and any prisoner will tell you that all punishment in prison, whether official or unofficial, is completely arbitrary; so the "the trick" is to avoid it and the only way to do that is to become "manipulative"), but, in the end, the only thing the warden and other "officials" ever manage to do is to sustain an illusion of control that serves to justify their fat paychecks and allows them to rationalize the inhuman ways they treat other human beings.
This latest decision to suddenly start enforcing a previously unenforced impingement on our humanity is a pretty good example of how this illusion is created. Here in the SCU (Special Confinement Unit, a.k.a. "Death Row") in Terre Haute, IN, we are confined to our cells 23/7 (or very close to 24/7 for someone like me who rarely bothers to ask to be cuffed up and escorted to a box-shaped cage with a ball in it that they call "recreation"), our books and letters are the only things we have that connect us to the outside (a.k.a. "real") world. Sure, we have small color T.V.s, but the program selection is controlled completely by the prison and consists almost entirely of brain-numbing (and "washing") cop shows and Christian propaganda (a.k.a. "feel good") programs. Only in my books do I find useful information that encourages me to think for myself rather than let others think (and form opinions) for me. And only through my letters do I get to discuss those ideas and exchange opinions with other people who are interested in the same sorts of things I am.
So the limit of five books in my cell, with no access to the Internet or even a prison library (see: Note 1) very effectively and quite literally cuts me off from my most valuable source of "intellectual stimulation" (as they call it). And the 25 letters restriction reduces my ability to effectively and meaningfully correspond with my family and friends by limiting the depth of our "discussions" to what I can retain in my immediate memory (plus 25 letters), which isn't very much.
To give you an idea of what I'm talking about, because of the leeway on the number of books and letters we have been allowed to keep in the past, I had previously been able to keep a small collection of reference books in my cell (20 to 25 books at most) on various subjects, from Quantum Physics to Religions of the world, including a few books on how to draw, and even several books I am using to study foreign language. Learning another language is very important to me, even if it's the last significant thing I learn before I die, because it is the language of my one true love - the person who my entire life was meant to acknowledge (yes, my "soul-mate" - which even I have!) So, I will keep three books to help me learn my love's native (human) language, which leaves me with only two more books that I am allowed to have. If I want to have something to read, then I must use these two slots for "current interests" and essentially get rid of all my "reference" books, including my NIV/KJV Bible, my Webster's College Dictionary, My Philosophy and Religion Dictionary, all of my other "Religion" books (Hindu, Zen, etc.) and all my "textbooks" (calculus, biology, physics, etc.) that I use as additional reference while reading (I generally don't keep a book as a "reference" unless I actually reference it frequently).
But, worse still is the restriction imposed upon the numbers of personal letters I am allowed to keep. My fiancée writes me at least twice a week, and has been for the last several years. I've already gone through all of my letters from her alone in the past and gotten rid of more than half (just to reduce the number of letters to a few manila envelopes full). But now I must go through those and select fewer than 25? (I'd like to keep some letters from my mother and a few friends, too.) That's not just heartbreaking, it's heartrending. It takes away my most valuable possessions, and reduces my connection to those whom I love (and whom I know love me) to what I can hold in just one hand.
The result, of course, is a powerful urge to revel against the "authority" that is causing me this pain. It is an urge for retribution that all prisoners feel. It is what drives them to be so "manipulative", and to find other ways to keep their humanness alive. It was this "urge" that ultimately drove me to do the insanely violent things I did that got me on "Death Row" in the first place. And even though I knew my "retribution" would put me here - and subject me to more of their "delusions of power and control" over my life (and what I think). To me, the satisfaction of proving they controlled nothing (they didn't stop me from raping and killing - all they ever did was make me want to rape and kill even more!) was (and still is) worth it.
So, I'm not "crying" about the way I'm being treated now. Make no mistake, I'm only trying to point out the way all their efforts to control me, and those "like" me (other human beings who don't value what "they" value") only end up doing the exact opposite of what they contend (and pretend). It's not about me or what I did, or what "they" do to me at all. It is a "mentality", a "sickness" that spreads and contaminates all of us. The wardens in this world (as a metaphor and literally) will always seek to rationalize their power and justify their insanity. They will push for more and more "control" over their "wards", as they have always done and will continue to do (see: Note 2). The Texas Department of Criminal Justice (TDCJ) has recently imposed a restriction on prisoners in Texas prohibiting them from "maintaining active social media accounts for the purpose of soliciting, updating, or engaging others, through a third-party or otherwise". In other words, Texas wards - in response to the threat that the truth (information) about conditions in prison imposes upon their illusion (and delusion) of power and control - have responded (as they always have in the past) by once more attempting to "gag" the prisoners. Whether they succeed or not will be telling (it is, of course, being challenged by numerous "human rights" groups). If they can get away with such a restriction (and it's simply a matter of time before they can get away with anything they want, because the illusion must be maintained at any cost), then it will spread quickly to other states and I'll soon be restricted even from expressing my thoughts here on this blog. Why? Well, like they say, if you have to ask... then you're not likely to understand the answer.
[J.D. May 29, 2017]
Notes:
(1) There have also been newly imposed limits on the total number of books available for ILL (Inter-library loan) requests, which was the only already extremely limited library access we had.
(2) It is an established tactic of those in authority (a.k.a. "Big Brother") to instigate disobedience before they attempt to institute a new and potentially controversial means of control. This not only creates a kind of distraction, but it also serves as a demonstrable justification for the new rule of law that they intend to impose.
