Golden Showers

For the last several nights, including just tonight, I have been awakened in the middle of the night by a large "skinhead" trustee who covertly bangs on the door of the cell I am in as he mops past in the hall. So for the last couple of nights I banged back on the door and called him every name I could think of to try to discourage him. It seems I only encouraged him instead.

So my next plan was to resort to "old school" prison tactics. I emptied a pack of jelly which is like a fast food restaurant "ketchup pack", only twice as long, so it can be inserted through the door crack. Then I poked a few small holes in the unopened end. Now, I have only to insert the device through the door, and the next time that trustee mops past my door I will fill it with urine (if I wanted to be really mean I would mix in some feces, but I've never gone that far before), then squeeze my side closed so the liquid sprays out through the holes on the other side of the door, "giving the punk a golden shower".

But, I say: "was", because my conscience will no longer allow me to do it. I have no real anger toward the trustee. I just want him to stop banging on my door. And it's easy to rationalize "teaching him a lesson". But I won't. Because I believe now that such rationalizations are self-deceptive and destructive. I will seek a solution to this problem inside myself instead.