Going Bald

I went to “rec” today in order to shave my beard off and cut my hair. For “rec” (short for what the jail calls recreation), I am allowed to go up on the roof of the jail to a domed cage about half the size of a basketball court. There is a basketball, and hoop, and even a handball (much more than most other jails have). I'm allowed one and a half hours, by myself of course, twice a week. But I usually only go once every other month or so, to cut my hair and shave my beard off; like today. The cordless electric trimmers that they let inmates use (only during “rec”) have been an ongoing issue. Because of the constant use they get, they usually only last a few months before the battery stops taking a charge. I've seen at least four different models of cordless trimmers since I've been here, and they seem to get cheaper and cheaper (and stop working sooner) each time they are replaced. There haven't been any trimmers at all available for the last month or so. But I was told they finally got some new ones about a week ago, and I was past due to get my beard wacked off, so today I went to “rec” accordingly. But the “new” trimmers were the cheapest I've ever seen. They would not hold a charge for more than a minute or two at a time. And I had already started to cut my hair when the charge ran out on the first trimmer. They had two, so I exchanged them and tried to continue cutting my hair when the second went dead too. So I shot some hoops while I waited for them to charge some, then tried again. By the end of my hour and a half of “rec”, I had wacked off most of my overgrown hair, but now I had an uneven mess of stubble all over my head and face. Fortunately I had anticipated a problem like this and had a backup plan. They don't let inmates have real razors to shave with (they issue one inch wide “toy” razors that are so dull that they literally rip the hair instead of cutting it, no lie! They're called “no shank razors”, but about the only thing they are good for is making shanks. And, they are so easy to tear apart to get the blade out that they should be called “easy shank razors”. Somebody's making a lot of money by just calling them “no shank razors” for nothing, a very typical “industrial complex” rip off) but I ordered some “Magic Shave” (depilatory cream) from the jail commissary, and after “rec” I went to the shower and smeared almost a whole tube of the stuff all over my head and face! And, behold, 15 minutes later I was as bold as Kojak (but twice as handsome) :) (This is the first time I've ever shaved my head in my life, and I get no thrill from it, so it will probably be the last time too.)