Checking Out Of The Hotel California (News Update)

The Riverside (California) D.A. accepted the plea offer that will give me “Life Without The Possibility Of Parole”, twice, in exchange for my guilty plea and admission to all special circumstances (aggravators). As I understand the reasoning behind the DA's decision, they figure the Federal death sentences will be carried out long before any California sentence; so why bother? It also gets the case out of everyone's hair (since I can't appeal the California case now). The plea has already been entered and accepted by the court (yesterday, March 15) and the actual sentencing is scheduled for April 5th (three weeks away). Shortly after my sentence (presumably within a day or two) I will be flown back to Terre Haute, Indiana (Federal prison). I am still waiting for a decision in the Federal appeal. If they accept my belated consent (i.e. notice) of appeal then the Federal appeal process begins from scratch (even though it has been two and a half years since I was sentenced in Federal court). I'm not sure what will happen if they do not accept the appeal. Probably the appeal attorneys will just file another appeal to the US Supreme Court. I don't know how long that takes though. Probably a year, or two, I would imagine. Either way, I'll be back in Terre Haute on Death Row for a while, and will continue this blog from there.

L.W.O.P.?

I must admit that I am a bit befuddled by the people of Riverside county's decision to not sentence me to death and give me L.W.O.P. (Life Without the possibility of Parole) instead. Of course this was not a decision made by any one person, or even by any select group. It was a decision ultimately made by the people of Riverside, and that's what has me perplexed. The District Attorney by himself could not have decided to not seek the death penalty without committing political and social suicide. I get the impression that the new D.A., who just took office a couple of months ago, seems to realize the importance of maintaining the “integrity” of his office. He would not undermine the power (a.k.a. authority) of his position by making decisions that were insensitive to the so-called “will of the people”. (And to his credit, I also don't think he would make the common political mistake of pandering to that “will” either.) So if the D.A. Is being as responsible as he seems to be, then how is it that I'm not being sacrificed on the alter of social justice? The popular media in this county has been following my case doggedly ever since my arrival here two years ago, and yet no one has raised a voice at all (at least not that I have seen in my limited persuals of the local paper) to demand that “justice be served” in my case. Why? Perhaps I'll never know. People still seem eager to execute other less notorious offenders. And my offense is not just high-profile, it is also extremely offensive, to say the least. (In case you don't know, I am in Riverside County Jail for charges of kidnapping a ten year old boy out of his own backyard where he was playing with several other children. I then drove him to a secluded desert ravine, raped him, then murdered him and left his bound and nude body to be found decomposed and ravaged by scavangers several weeks later. And if that wasn't bad enough, I got away with it, and there were no suspects in the case until I told them I did it after I was arrested in Idaho for a completely different – and even more violently shocking – case, eight years later!) So why spare me? Of course, there are the so-called “practical” reasons. For example, the county is in a fiscal crisis (what county isn't these days), and a death penalty case typically costs millions for the initial trial alone. But, that could never be used as an excuse to not prosecute such a high-profile and extremely heinous case as mine. So, what about the fact that I am already sentenced to three death sentences (for the Idaho case) in Federal court? That would make any death sentence in California seem superfluous, and indeed it would be insanely superfluous if I had continued to not appeal the Federal sentences. In that case I would have been executed by the United States long before California even got its hands out of its pockets. But, as you may know, I have decided to allow the Federal defense attorneys to proceed with their appeal. Yet still, the Federal appeal will be decided years before California even appoints an appeal attorney for me. And if my Federal appeal is denied, then again I will be executed before California even starts the appeal process. But, if the appeal in the Federal case is somehow miraculously won, and the Feds don't execute me after all, then, and only then, the California death sentence would act like a kind of (albeit very expensive) backup execution. Wouldn't that be “justice” (I'm just going by my own impression here of what most people think “justice” is, of course I would never call any kind of killing “justice”... “necessary” maybe, but not “justice”). Wouldn't that be enough to justify the expense of sentencing me to death here in the Golden state? I guess not, because nobody raised a stink when they heard the D.A.'s office was considering a plea agreement in my case that would “take death off the table”. Maybe the people of Riverside are just tired of hearing about this case. The “shock” value has worn off a long time ago, and now all that's left is disgust, and even that has turned sour over the years. So there's no “ entertainment” value left in the story for the media to sell... But wait, maybe this plea agreement will actually end up giving the story new life! People could be shocked and disgusted all over again at the new D.A.'s audacity for accepting such a deal. The media would love that they could spin it a dozen different ways and get a good few weeks of good “entertainment” out of it. We'll just have to wait and see on that one. Who knows? Obviously there are any number of reasons for why the people of Riverside county in California has spared me a death sentence trial. But the reason I like the most, and the one I personally prefer to believe (lacking any evidence against it, of course) is that the people have somehow, perhaps on the level of the collective unconscious, realized that killing, at least in this case, is wrong in a way that could potentially expose the “wrongness” of the death penalty in every case. I stopped killing and turned myself in and have taken full responsibility for my actions since. While these facts are relatively under reported (nobody likes to hear about a “monster” who doesn't act like a monster should act) they are out there, and even the most oblivious person must realize the significance of the fact that I didn't “get caught”, I surrendered. So maybe people are starting to wake up a little bit to a larger reality, where monsters no longer live in the shadows, or beneath beds. Maybe people sense, if not realize, that the death penalty is a crime too. Maybe...

Baby Huey

Baby Huey is who I think of every time I see this one particular baby-faced and overweight deputy. But unlike the comic duck, this deputy is filled with prejudice and hatred, especially toward me. I'm not sure why, since I have never so much as even acknowledge his existence beyond what is expected of me to exist peaceably in this jail. And even less than that actually, in his case, since he seems offended if I speak to him even in courtesy. So I don't speak to him at all. No sense upsetting the baby duck.

It is difficult for me to love and understand a person like “Huey”, because his level of ignorance seems astounding to me. But I am usually quick to remind myself that if I can't love and understand someone like him then I will never truly love and understand myself. And, loving and understanding myself is tantamount to loving “God”, which I believe is the most important task of all.

So, instead of suppressing my negative feelings toward him (and people like him), I realize that these feelings are only a symptom of a more basic flaw in my character. And, I let the feelings run their course, but under close observation. I am trying to understand my emotions, by seeking the source of their steam. I can only do that by paying close and objective attention to them, sometimes even interogating them to try to expose their hidden causes buried in the dark unconscious realms of my psyche. I frequently succeed, and have learned immeasurable volumes about myself and my relationship to “God”, this way. But I still feel like I want to hurt people like “deputy Huey”. I am clearly still missing something important and have more to learn.

So, I keep my head up, eyes, ears, heart and mind open, and hands inside the car. I'll figure it out eventually! :)