Baby Huey

Baby Huey is who I think of every time I see this one particular baby-faced and overweight deputy. But unlike the comic duck, this deputy is filled with prejudice and hatred, especially toward me. I'm not sure why, since I have never so much as even acknowledge his existence beyond what is expected of me to exist peaceably in this jail. And even less than that actually, in his case, since he seems offended if I speak to him even in courtesy. So I don't speak to him at all. No sense upsetting the baby duck.

It is difficult for me to love and understand a person like “Huey”, because his level of ignorance seems astounding to me. But I am usually quick to remind myself that if I can't love and understand someone like him then I will never truly love and understand myself. And, loving and understanding myself is tantamount to loving “God”, which I believe is the most important task of all.

So, instead of suppressing my negative feelings toward him (and people like him), I realize that these feelings are only a symptom of a more basic flaw in my character. And, I let the feelings run their course, but under close observation. I am trying to understand my emotions, by seeking the source of their steam. I can only do that by paying close and objective attention to them, sometimes even interogating them to try to expose their hidden causes buried in the dark unconscious realms of my psyche. I frequently succeed, and have learned immeasurable volumes about myself and my relationship to “God”, this way. But I still feel like I want to hurt people like “deputy Huey”. I am clearly still missing something important and have more to learn.

So, I keep my head up, eyes, ears, heart and mind open, and hands inside the car. I'll figure it out eventually! :)