Just-Us Criminals At Work

I’ve been awake an alert all morning, either reading, or listening to music with my headphones on and watching VH1 on T.V., but listening to my own music mostly. The guards skipped me for lunch, and when they came back to pick up trays I told them I didn’t get a tray and they said that they banged on my door but I didn’t get up.

That is a lie, of course. Even with my headphones on I would have heard them banging on my door, ad if they had opened the food slot like they are supposed to do to offer me a tray I would have definitely seen them. The truth is that they skipped my cell, like they often do when passing out trays, only this time I didn’t catch them doing it because I had my headphones on and did not hear them in the hall passing out trays. So, they only claimed that they banged on my door so that if I complain it looks like it was my fault that I did not get fed. I would rather go hungry than play their childish games, so of course I will not complain (and no, I’m not complaining here, I’m only exposing the incident so that people might see how the System promotes the very insanity that it pretends to protect society from). I think what I will do however is stop “reminding” them to give me a food tray in the future, and just go hungry instead. If it makes them feel more manly (or whatever it makes them feel) to deprive me of food, well, then good for them. If I starve, well, then good for me. I don’t much care to live in their world anyhow, and I don’t like accepting food that is not offered sincerely.

[J.D. July 30, 2014]

Note: It’s interesting also that after the guards lied to me about banging on my door, another prisoner offered to give me the chicken he saved from his own tray so that I wouldn’t go hungry. I declined, even at the risk of seeming rue, but the point is that the other prisoners on death row have consistently treated me with more respect and concern than the guards. As a matter of fact, the ONLY harassment and threats I have received my entire time on death row (since 2010 and before) have been from the guards, never from any inmates at all (not counting inmate Gabrion, who doesn’t respect or show concern for anyone, not even himself, and even he has never made a point out of disrespecting me the way some of the guards do).

P.S. Several hours have passed now since the lunch incident I described above, and the prisoner next door to me (not the same prisoner who offered me his chicken) just let me know that not only did the guard bang on my door, but he (this prisoner) was banging on the wall between our cells because he didn’t want to see me miss out on the chicken (one of the best meals we get). So, I was wrong about the guards lying in this case, but let this entry stand as a testament to my own ignorance and biased view of things. It doesn’t change my overall view though, nor what I said about the general harassment I get from some of the guards. Also, I have said before and I’ll say it again, that most of the guards treat me fairly and do their jobs like true professionals, much to the dismay of my long-standing resentment.