Revisiting "Pieces of Shit"

A few months ago, out of sheer frustration over being screwed so badly by Unit Team staff again, I told them, “You're the pieces of shit, not me.” So, I was written up for “prohibited act 404” (using abusive language), consequently found guilty by the Unit Manager, and sanctioned the loss of “phone privileges” for 120 days.

That means four months of not being able to call my lawyer, my mom, or my girlfriend, just because I said the word “shit” out of frustration over being unfairly treated. I don't call my girlfriend that often because she lives outside of the United States of America (it costs me $15 dollars just to talk to her for 15 minutes; which, needless to say, means I simply can't afford to call her as often as I'd like). It is also expensive to call my mom ($3 dollars for 15 minutes), even though she does live in the states, and even the most expensive phone service providers wouldn't charge more than 50 cents for the same call from a payphone! And, since my mother is aged and forgetful, calling her is really the only way I have to keep in touch with her, because she rarely ever remembers to write, even when I send her stamps and paper to do so. She loves it when I call though.

Since I have been on “phone restriction” (amongst other things) for the last four months already, because of another completely unfair write up that I got for having a picture in my cell of a little girl (prepubescent) wearing no shirt (so, according to the B.O.P., she is “displaying her breasts”, quoting the Regional Direction, Paul M. Laird, himself!) I haven't heard from my mom at all since April! (Fortunately, I have a wonderful girlfriend who calls her for me to let my mom know I'm okay, and to let me know how my mom's doing as well.)

This sort of unfair treatment is unfortunately very much the standard for how things operate around here, and in any American prison for that matter. Just ask anyone in prison and they'll tell you. Or, if you don't want to ask, just look up one of the many “sense of justice”-studies that have been done. These studies are usually state-funded, because they show a direct correlation between prisoners who feel unfairly treated and recidivism. But, don't bother asking a prison employee. Their job --- not to mention their moral sanity --- depends on their belief in the “fairness” and “justice” of the System they work for.

Prison employees routinely misuse the stats from the same studies I just mentioned in order to justify even more unfair treatment of prisoners. To them, it is all fair – merely because they're the authority. And in their minds (again, out of sheer necessity) authority is never wrong (or unfair). So, if more than 90% of the prisoners complain of unfair treatment (as the studies consistently show), then that only proves (in their mind) that 90% of the prisoners are liars, who deserve to be “punished” in general. They even invented a term for it; they call it “criminal mentality” (which, of course is rationalized exactly the same way “Jewish mentality” or “Negro mentality” was rationalized in the past). Thus, they feel licensed to treat prisoners as unfairly as they want; because they deserve it!

I think the ridiciously excessive sanction I got for using the word “shit” to express my frustration over unfair treatment is a pretty good example of this kind of oppressive reasoning. The Unit Manager didn't give any reason at all for the severity of the sanction. So, maybe he's punishing me because a few weeks before I accused him (without using abusive language) of being a hypocrite and a liar because he is always going around preaching about how he follows the rules, but then he selects what rules to follow and ignores the ones that are inconvenient for him to follow (as most bureaucrats do). At the time he did not reply to my accusation, but just walked away. So maybe now he is “punishing” me for “not respecting authority” (a VERY popular excuse for “punishing” prisoners without apparent cause). In his mind, he is no doubt just giving me the “punishment” I “deserve” (for not respecting his authority). But, to me, it seems as though I am being “punished” harshly for merely blurting out the word “shit”. To me, it seems extremely unfair.

Who knows? Maybe he is being fair. But, that doesn't matter if I can't see the fairness in it. And I'd be willing to “see” it, if there was even so much as a clue of it. But, there is no clue, no evidence of fairness, and for me, no justice at all in the sanction. So, I appealed it to the warden. In my appeal, I simply asked for an explanation for the excessive sanction. The warden “denied” my appeal. So, I appealed to the Regional Director (in Kansas City, Kansas), asking the same thing, “Why am I being punished so harshly without explanation?”

The Regional Director responded by sending a memo to the Unit Manager pointing out that he had made a minor (and completely irrelevant) clerical error in the paperwork from the disciplinary hearing. (He failed to say explicitly why I was “guilty” --- even though I openly admitted that I said the word “shit”. Apparently, my statement alone was not considered “evidence” of my guilt – remember, 90% of all inmates are liars --- so the Unit Manager was required to write in that his findings were based on “staff witness statements”.) So, the Unit Manager had to call me back to his office for a new hearing in order to correct the error.

And thus their precious “illusion of justice” is sustained (I actually heard the Federal judge in my case say once, “It is important that the appearance of justice be maintained”, as an excuse for denying a petition that one of my lawyers had made!). My appeal was returned for a new hearing, and that makes their statistics look good (i.e. the number of appeals that get action instead of just being denied). Nevermind that it was “returned” for a reason that had absolutely nothing to do with the issue of the appeal itself. And nevermind that they completely ignored the one issue I raised in the appeal (“Why am I being punished without clear cause?”). It only matters to them that “the appearance of justice (fairness) is maintained”. It is the “M.O.” of the “Justice System”. Not justice; but, only the appearance of justice is what matters. It is what every official in the “Justice System” is expected to do in order to earn their paychecks. And, as the Federal judge in my case clearly demonstrated by his bold statement in court, they don't even realize the difference!

(My brother was a wannabe-cop, which really strained my relationship with him after I got out of prison; but, I tried really hard to love him regardless. Once, during a rare conversation with him while I was on parole in Seattle, in which he was openly criticizing “criminals” as deserving everything they got, I pointed out to him that when we were kids (and inseparable) he did all the criminal things I did --- often with no encouragement from me --- including child “rape” (i.e. putting his penis in a younger child's mouth). His response totally confused me at the time, and didn't seem to make any sense. But, he said it as though it made all the sense in the world; he said, “Sure, but I didn't get caught!” I'm only now, all these years later, coming to understand what he was saying, or more correctly: what he WASN'T SEEING. Like anyone else who believes in human justice, he had been conditioned to see no difference between how things “appear” on the surface, and how things really are. To him, the truth is what you believe, not what is. This is necessary for any system of beliefs to be maintained --- and the Criminal Justice System is no more than a system of beliefs; it is a religion, in the truest sense; and with all the hypocrisy and violence that goes along with any religion!)

What do they suppose my reaction to all this unfairness is going to be? I can only imagine that they imagine I will “learn my lesson”, and perhaps “respect (their) authority” in the future. Anyone reading this blog (hopefully) realizes that that isn't going to happen anytime soon. The only thing I'm going to learn, and the only thing any prisoner learns from being so screwed so often (treated unfairly) by the system (and hence, by “authority”), is that if justice is to be had, then it must be taken for oneself. It certainly isn't going to come from the “Just-Us System”.

So, the system is literally teaching --- in fact, training! --- criminals to resist the system, to seek justice on their own terms, and to take what they deserve from anyone who supports the “system” (i.e. “law-abiding citizens”). For me, that meant taking revenge. For others, it means taking control back in some other way. But, as long as “they” keep giving criminals what they “deserve” (e.g. punishing us for no reason, but just because we are “criminals” who deserve to be punished in general), then crime will happen, because it must happen in order to justify the church (i.e. system of beliefs about justice). Without demons, and witches, and evil in general, there would be no need for religion. So, in the past, these things were invented in order to justify the churches existence. 

 

And today they still are.

[J.D. August 8, 2015]