Time To Die; Or Not?

If you watch the news then you know that five Federal prisoners here in the Terre Haute USP/SCU ("Death Row") have been selected to be killed by the government upon order of the U.S. attorney general. I am acquainted with four of the five, though call none my friend (I was on the same range of cells with them, so we were neighbors for years). It seems more will be selected soon, and like these first five (first in some 16 years, that is) they will be moved to the higher security cells on "A-range", which have sat empty 'til now. You could say A-range is the real "Death Row", since that is where they hold prisoners with an actual "execution" date, and it is a row of cells rather than a hall like this range I am on ("B-range", both "B" and "C" ranges are halls with cells on both sides facing each other, but A-range has all its cells on just one side).

When I first heard this news I felt relieved. I've been a little worried that the Federal government might actually stop killing its prisoners before they got around to killing me. I don't want to grow old and die of "natural causes" in here. I read a book once, "How We Die", by Sherwin B. Noland, see: 5NBooks) about how the body dies "naturally". Let's just say it is almost never "pretty", and certainly not pleasant. Being "put to sleep" is clearly a much better way to exit this "ride" we call life. So my hope has long been that the Federal government would adopt the single-drug protocol (which is the "cleanest" way to kill someone if you must do it in my opinion) and kill me before my health --- or worse, my mind! --- starts to fail and I begin the long, slow and painful process of dying "naturally", which is made many times worse by being in prison and having to rely on people who care little to nothing about me (and some who literally wish me ill!) to provide my needs, just to keep me "alive", forget about being kept "comfortable"! They don't do "comfortable" in prison health care.

But my hope may yet be dashed. My lawyers think this recent move by the U.S.A.G. is a political distraction, ordered by the president (Trump) to keep people's attention off him while he flounders in the news, again. There is also a rather well-known and strong "wind of (social) change" that this move by the A.G. goes against. It seems people in the U.S. are starting to wake up to the insanity (and injustice) of a government killing its prisoners (who present no real danger as they are rendered defenseless against the will of the state). That's actually the reason I've been a bit worried in the first place that they might never get around to killing me before this "wind" blows out the so-called "death penalty" flame once and for all.

So, I hope my lawyers are mistaken. Or, if they are right, then I hope the powers-that-be decide to "distract" everyone by actually killing us again! Like I said, I am acquainted with most of the five who have already been selected (and given "dates" for their "executions"), as well as with most of the rest of the other prisoners waiting here with me for their "dates", and there is not one prisoner here (that I am aware of) who I think would be better off without being "put to sleep". Obviously most of them feel differently, but then they don't seem to know what I know... in fact, most of them seem to desperately avoid such knowledge. And I believe that's the reason "death" scares them so much (judging by the way they talk about it and "fight" against it so much).

But, not me. I welcome a peaceful death, or even a violent one! It's only dying "naturally" in prison that concerns me a little. And I'm not suicidal either. I don't want to die at all. I just don't see any reason to fear it. So I don't mind knowing when and how I might die; in fact, I prefer knowing to not knowing! Why wouldn't I?

[J.D. August 5, 2019]